EVERYTHING in form can be used by Spirit as a backdrop to heal the mind! That means all activities of the body, material items, and things of the world can be used to see the thoughts of a separate (s)elf concept. In doing so, any fear or manifestation of fear (anger, sadness, etc.) can be used as an indicator to see that there is still a belief in guilt. In this healing opportunity, art was the backdrop Given for this Purpose.
This was not the first time that art was provided as the backdrop, but in the previous opportunities the attraction to guilt was so strong that the intensity of the fear made it difficult to allow the body to be used as a communication device. I can now Trust that even though I ran away from the art before that everything was as it should be. All those opportunities were just stepping stones to releasing from the idea that I am guilty. This time the attraction to guilt had been loosened enough that I could stay with it.
For a couple of weeks now there has been this image that keeps recurring in the mind. It was always purple and seemed to involve shapes that looked like flower petals and elongated stars. Then one day I found a lone colored pencil and it was of course violet. Even though the means had been provided it still took some time to Trust that I could use this backdrop without completely falling apart and giving into the guilt.
Well today was the day that there was enough courage to take the leap of faith. I laid down with the paper, pencil, eraser, and sharpener and could feel the contraction from fear. I was even noticing the shortness of breath and shaking of the hands. Some of the thoughts were: "This is going to look worse than a baby scribbling.", "Go watch a movie instead.", "Someone is going to come in and tell me I'm doing something wrong." In fact, I even noticed I would get startled when I heard a noise outside my room because I believed that someone could and would come tell me how wrong (i.e. guilty) I was.
I stayed with it though and kept choosing the thought in the Mind that I was not guilty and that I was worthy of being Happy. The more I practiced choosing this thought the more relaxed I got. I even started letting go and giving myself permission to sing along with the music that was playing. After awhile, I noticed that I was actually enJoying moving the pencil on the paper. In fact, when there were no more thoughts or images of things to draw I actually found that I wanted to keep going.
I could see the egoic thoughts come in to try to use this backdrop to reinforce the pattern of control. The thought was to just add something here, add something there, change something, etc. That was not the Given Purpose of this opportunity. It was not to get anything done or to have something look a certain way. It was all just to see the choice for the thoughts that lead to Happiness or for the thoughts that lead to anything else.
Even when the choice was made to lay the pencil down the deceptive thoughts of guilt did not stop: "It's not symmetrical.", "The shapes aren't uniform.", etc. It doesn't matter because just like the character in the movie 'A Beautiful Mind' the choice is always about Purpose. In the movie, Russell Crowe's character still sees the unreal characters but he chooses not to indulge them. The deceptive thoughts were still there but I chose not to believe them! :) Love, Mimzy ♥
No comments:
Post a Comment