Days 3 & 4: Whoa, what FUN!
April 9, 2010: On the third day Devan went with Lisa into Salt Lake City. Leila and I stayed at the monastery and used the projects to look at the thoughts in our mind and train ourselves to focus our minds. There were three projects that I was asked to use for this purpose: 1) research intranet software, 2) create a Living Miracles Monastery sign, and 3) create a new path to the shop. The first project seemed simple but regardless of the perceived simplicity or difficulty the purpose remains the same. The idea is to become aware of the thoughts in the mind instead of just running on cruise control without examining the thoughts.
Even with a 'simple' project I was able to be more aware of what I was thinking. I was thinking egoic thoughts like: "Intranet is such a generic term; what are they looking for?", "Do they already have something in mind and what if I suggest something stupid or too expensive?" I got on Google and did a search for 'intranet software'. Of course with such a generic search there were so many results. For some reason, I was drawn/guided to the second result after the sponsored links. I checked it out and it seemed to do what I thought they wanted. I was going to email my suggestion when the ego kicked in again: "Did I just get lazy and pick the first result?", "Wait, there was one above this, why didn't I choose that?", "This looks too expensive, are they going to get mad for suggesting this?"
At least I was able to be aware that I was having these insane thoughts. At that point it became utterly laughable! How could I possibly know what's best for everyone involved? I was drawn to this link for a reason; Why not trust that guidance? So I sent my email and the response was great. David was thankful that I started the process and he even went ahead and started a trial version! All that worrying and mindless chatter for nothing! :)
This whole scenario kept playing out throughout the day. It didn't matter if I was using a project to do this practice or something supposedly routine like eating a meal. In fact, lunch both days played out exactly this way. On Thursday, I was going to make lunch and automatically just started to make a sandwich. The ego uses patterns/routines to try to defer attention from the insane thoughts like "Well, I had a sandwich yesterday and it was good so why not today?", or "If I have a sandwich, I'll have some consistency and I'll know how long my food will last." What!? Really!? So I laughed at these insane thoughts and released them to the Holy Spirit. It was then that I had the idea to have hummus, cheese, crackers, and a carrot. It was very tasteful and so effortless that I had to laugh again. :) The same scenario played out today but in a different form.
Today I did decide to have a sandwich for lunch. The first 'instinct' was to have chips with it because that's what I always have with my sandwich. Huh?! Is that a law that I have to follow? Why couldn't I have something else. Why do I always pair the same things together? Why can't I mix and match? So I had a good laugh and decided to have hummus and crackers with my sandwich. As I was making my sandwich, I put the same things on it that I always do: mustard, mayonnaise, chicken, ham, and cheese. Then it occurred to me to add this blueberry jalapeno preserves that I had. The ego went nuts! Thoughts like "Are you crazy?, Are you going to ruin a perfectly good sandwich?, Then what if you have to throw it away and run out of food?", etc. Once again, I had a good laugh and decided to follow my inspiration rather than the ego. Wouldn't you know it, that was one of the best sandwiches I've had in a long time! :)
I could go on forever with so many examples because the ego is on guard 24/7/365 (366 on leap years)! Things like when to wake up, when to go to bed, when to take a break, when/what to eat, how to do a project, etc. The list is endless because the ego starts to become undone if it doesn't have control over everything. I am so thankful to have received the guidance to come here and to have the courage to follow that guidance. It is a priceless opportunity to be in an environment like this where the focus is not the form or the end result, but rather what the thoughts are in the mind that drive what we say and do. Also, it is great to be around others that have been on this path for awhile. It is like getting advice from a elder sibling. Both of these things were exactly what I asked of the Holy Spirit. All it takes is a little willingness to ask for guidance and the Holy Spirit will always answer. Not always in the way the ego would want, but always for a purpose that is the best for everybody! I never thought I could have so much fun and laugh doing things that seemed mundane from the perspective of the ego. Thank you God! :)
You can see pictures of the monastery here:
Love,
Ben
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