The Rabbit Hole Goes At Least to Sunny California!

April 21, 2010: My process of Listening to the Guidance of the Holy Spirit is still developing and I learn to Listen and Trust more and more every day.  This Trust is reinforced by the absolutely wonderful experiences that I have had as a result.

Case in point: Yesterday morning I noticed that my mom had sent me a text message before I had woken up.  In the message, she said since I had two weeks before the retreat in KY that I was invited to come stay with her in Seal Beach, CA.  I was not able to respond because my phone is having 'intermittent' problems charging and the battery was almost dead.  So I turned the phone off to prevent data loss (it runs Windows Mobile) and thought I would be able to charge it in the car since I had already packed my wall charger.

This gave me a couple of hours to decide to listen to the ego or the Holy Spirit for Guidance.  The ego chimed in with things like "CA is in the opposite direction of KY, what a waste of gas, time, etc." or "Well, you know that you are having car problems, why risk being further from your destination when it dies?"  It is all so laughable when brought to awareness and seen for the self-defeating behavior that it is!  :)  Yet, when I would stop and really Listen I would hear "Why try to know/decide the future instead of ENJOYING the present?"  This of course resulted in very angry egoic thoughts like "Why shouldn't you plan and prepare, how will you take care of 'yourself'?"  Yeah, like I was really enjoying myself by listening to the ego and worrying about what to decide and where to go?!  :)

I was able to release these egoic thoughts and had much more fun doing what I was doing at the time!  :)  By the time I knew it, I was done with washing clothes, packing, showering, etc. and I was ready to drive away from the monastery.  Then the 'intermittent' problems with charging my phone started again.

I plugged in my car charger and it would sense the charge, then drop it, sense it, drop it, repeat until I finally looked at my thoughts.  I was becoming agitated that I couldn't get the phone charged enough to respond to my mom.  Beneath that was the frustration that I felt as though I needed to make a decision about the future RIGHT NOW and I wasn't able to do so.  The thoughts and the emotions of the ego were so unsettling that I HAD to just stop and remember how this was NOT PEACE NOR HAPPINESS.  I mean I still had 20 minutes just to reach the main road before I could head east or west!  :)

Finally, I heeded the Guidance of the Holy Spirit and decided that I wouldn't make the decision until the time came when I was at the end of the road and had to turn right or left to keep going.  When I reached that point, I made the decision not with the rationale of the ego but with what came Peacefully to me at the time.  The thought was that I should go to CA and have a wonderful time getting there as well as being there.  After all, it is about experiencing CONSTANT Peace and Happiness, not just after reaching a destination or goal!  :)

I had so much FUN driving from UT to CA that it is almost unbelievable.  Sure, there were moments when the ego would bring up thoughts about the constant 'Check Engine' light or the intermittent knocking, but more and more I was able to release them Trusting that the Holy Spirit presents me with exactly what I need to awaken to my True Reality!  :)

Another example stands out in my mind: I stopped in Las Vegas to have some dinner and get gas.  I was really craving In-N-Out burger and was hoping that there would be one without having to drive down the strip and deal with traffic (another example of the ego trying to plan and desire the future).  I just kept seeing McDonald's, Wendy's, etc.  Not that there is anything 'wrong' with these places because after all nothing is 'right' or 'wrong'.  Everything is neutral and the only meaning of anything is that which we give it.  In fact, I had McDonald's for lunch Knowing this fact even though in the past my ego had convinced me that McDonald's was one of the 'worst' places to eat and was not 'healthy'!  :)

Well, I started seeing the casinos on the strip and no In-N-Out burger.  I accepted the fact that I would get off at the next exit and eat at whatever restaurant was available.  Exit 37 came up and on the blue road sign I saw...you guessed it: McDonald's and Wendy's!  :)  I thought well at least I can change it up for dinner and have Wendy's!  :)  Wouldn't you know it but I get to the top of the off-ramp and there is this HUGE sign right on the corner for...wait for it...In-N-Out burger!!!  I laughed so hard at the hilarity of it all!  :)

As if that wasn't enough, I was presented with another opportunity to Trust and Listen (well, every moment is an opportunity to Trust and Listen but I'm still learning).  As I was enjoying my meal outside, a man approached the table I was sitting at.  No one else was eating outside because it was probably too cool and windy but being from MN it felt balmy.  This man appeared as though he had fallen on hard times and he had dirt on his hands and not the cleanest clothes I've ever seen.  In the past, I would have listened to the egoic thoughts like "You're all alone you need to leave to protect yourself" or "I hope he doesn't ask me for money because I don't want to lie and say I don't have it since I really do".

The most beautiful thing happened: As he started to speak, I felt NO fear at all!  At first I couldn't make out what he was saying because he was softspoken almost as if he was ashamed of what he was saying.  He said "No disrespect, but I was wondering if you could spare some change?"  Sure enough, he had just asked me for money.  Instead of saying "Sorry man, I don't have any" I immediately, and without hesitation, gave him all the change in my pocket.  There was this sense of Knowing that he was NO different than me and there is no reason to cherish material things over the most beautiful thing of all: A reflection of the Sonship that reminds me we are all One with God equally with no part of the Sonship being more or less worthy than the other!  :)  Thank you God!  :)

Love,
Mimzy